"Basking in Birthday Bliss: Happy Birthday to me"

"There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why." 

*William Barclay

I came across this quote as I was looking for something inspirational to set off this birthday post, and I realized something...I have heard this saying many times before, but I never really understood it or appreciated it until this exact moment.

I knew that when God created me, I was created with a purpose; everything in life has a reason behind it...something that when you look back on it, you understand the "why".  That why as you reflect on it hits you like the apple that fell on Isaac Newton's head, under that tree, during his sudden discovery of gravity.


Although my reflections on past and recent life events lead to a sudden sort of epiphany of what my purpose here on earth may in fact be, I know that the discovery of it was more of a gradual experience.

Listening this morning to Steve Furtick's #FunctionalFaith series sermon "The Seed is on Schedule" he states the following: "the real test of the seed is...can it survive the soil?"  You can see the beginning of a thing...it may not be easy and you might have a long way to go, but it's a process that will eventually turn into a season of harvest. The seed sprouts and grows because of the work in the soil...You have to believe that the purpose is still working even when the process seems invisible."

Mark's "planting of the seed" analogy (chapter 4:26-29) helps me to understand that everything is a process, but with hard work, trust, and faith, you will receive all of what you have been planning, preparing, and patiently waiting for: that everything you endured to get to that harvest was purposeful with each step taken because God simply was preparing you for the reaping of that harvest.

"So how does this relate to self discovery and a purpose driven life Erica" you may ask.  Well, it's all about timing.  It's all about the schedule of things. it's all about realizing that eventually, you see how everything in you life thus far works together like a gigantic puzzle, and as those puzzle pieces began to take form, you get closer to fulfilling your destiny.  You appreciate your life and you finally understand the part you play in all of it.

 

At least that is what is happening to me; I've really been trying to appreciate all of what I'm blessed to have and see the purpose in many situations. I also finally figured out exactly what I want for my life and the effort I need to put towards it to make all of my dreams a reality. I went through many ups and downs, many I don't knows, many I can't do its, many I'm not good enoughs, many hows, whys, and whens, many challenges and obstacles, many sabotaging moments...the list can go on if I allowed it to.  But I am not. And I do recognize and understand that these sorts of self doubting circumstances will not never be again in my life.  But at this moment, I realize that going forward, it is about "surviving the soil".  It is about overcoming obstacles.  It is about dedication to the dream.  It is about forever focus.  It is about being positively passionate . It is about tough trust and fighting faith.  It is about discovering who you are and all you want to be, receiving all of what you want out of life, and making things happen.  It is about finally realizing your purpose and using it as a driving force to a greater you.

Self discovery and figuring out my purpose in life IS my biggest harvest I think yet; at least it is the umbrella in which all of my other harvests fall under.  So it is up to me to carry on with nurturing my growth.

In the words of  Steve Furtick, there is purpose on me, provision inside me, protection all around me, and potential waiting to be released.  I'm not just basking in birthday bliss today, I'm basking in self discovery and purpose.  I'm basking in this beautiful and bountiful harvest called LIFE!

Thank You God for another opportunity to get it right: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!  

"What are the Students Like: A Sweet Pouring of Sharjah Student Love"

"The task of the excellent teacher is to stimulate "apparently ordinary" people to unusual effort.  The tough problem is not in identifying winners:  it is in making winners out of ordinary people."

~K. Patricia Cross

I've been in education for seven years now (BS. in Middle Grades, 4 years of subbing,and 3 years of classroom teaching) so I like to think that I've seen my fair share of scholars throughout my growing career.  Although no child is the same, there is that one umbrella category that classifies the overall middle school student.

It is from my own personal experience that middle school aged children are categorized as such for very specific reasons; the name speaks for itself, MIDDLE; they are legit in the middle of being too old for this, but not old enough for that.  They embark on a journey of self discovery at this age, so the playfulness, acting out, trying to fit in, and the constant need of approval are all traits these kiddos possess no mater where they are in the world.

There definitely is a misconception about being from America (or any other country for that matter) and teaching students abroad.  I think it is because many of us deal with so much as an educator from our own countries, that our high expectations for overseas education may come from a rose colored lens of possibilities; and not to say that these possibilities aren't positively possible, it's just that you have to be ready to take on overcoming the obstacles as well. Just because we are in a new country does not mean we won't have to deal with certain situations in regards to our students such as disciplinary issues, conferences with concerning parents, or instruction that requires pre-planning for what you may think will be an easy flowing lesson from start to finish JUST to name a few.  As a teacher, it never goes away, no matter where you work. The 5 Ps right? 

But it is non of that really because you can be the most prepared teacher in the building and still have to answer to the unpredictable, emotional, hyperactive, talkative and playful student. It does not make you any less of a teacher if you don't have all of the answers and you lack control sometimes. Kids are kids no matter the background.  Your instruction and interactions are purely based on your individual personality, persistence, and most importantly PATIENCE. 

You easily could have the best class full of some of the best well behaved students of your entire year thus far while simultaneously teaching to a class that although has endearing traits, has challenged you in ways that has not only grown you professionally, but personally.  You just never know how the cards will be dealt. 

And this certainly was the case for me as I reflect on my first semester teaching here in the UAE. It seemed as if God purposely ordered my steps to experience both aspects of what teaching students abroad had to offer.

I work at a private school and middle grade and high school are both segregated by gender.  So for my first year (really first semester because I started in January as opposed to August like my other colleagues), I had both a boys and girls class of 5th graders.  At my school, middle school ranges from 5th grade to 8th grade as oppose to middle school starting in grade 6 back in the states.  So, this would be my first time teaching 5th grade. I was able to observe and help out my second day before actually starting work the following week, and during that time, I got to see what I would be getting myself into.  But it was nothing like having to experience all on my on. Although I had my doubts in the beginning, and challenges along the way, I ended the year with many laughs, fun times, and great stories in between all of what seemed to be sometimes hopeless.

My girls class, I would consider most of them to be the gifted and most academic out of the entire 5th grade sector.  They were helpful, hardworking, respectful and had a willingness to learn like no other. BUT, THEY ARE GIRLS! So, this also means that they were very chatty and praise seeking.  What girl do you know that doesn't occasionally talk during class to her bestie?  It's going to happen.  So I made it a point to not only redirect the behavior from time to time with various attention getting strategies, but I also turned that chatter into class discussions where they went home at the end of the day learning something new about Ms. Erica (yes, here most teachers and staff are referenced by their first name, however, you may choose to be called by your last name; it's all about what makes you comfortable).  Also, with that chatter came the need to always correct Ms. Erica, but I had no problem turning those moments into teachable ones as well; many aha moments...MANY! My girls were awesome!

My boys class...My sweet precious boys.  Picture being hazed into a club or organization that required some inducting circumstances to prove you were capable of being apart of the brand. That is what the situation was like with my boys.  BOYS WILL BE BOYS! The saying is somewhat true indeed.  If it wasn't screaming, shouting, loud conversations, or disagreements (which led to many fights turned besties again situations lol) I was dealing with, it was random walks to thy neighbor's desk, throwing of paper trash balls and pencils, bothering each other simply out of disinterest of the lesson, bursting out randomly in unison with Arabic songs, or simply wanting to leave the room with many "bathroom Miss!"  When I look back on all of this, I can laugh, but going through my first year initiation, I sometimes saw the humor, but I sometimes felt the frustrations.  Most of my boys were very helpful and friendly, but they also displayed the normal middle school boy characteristics of being hyperactive, silly, talkative, bored sometimes, and attention seeking.  I quickly learned that in order to survive, I had to appeal to the masses.  This included an instruction rich in hands on activities and movement.  I was able to determine their interest through a variety of tasks and discovered that their favorite methods of learning included partner work, drawing and coloring, and coming to the board to write answers because 1) they got to get out of their seat and 2) it felt as if they were the teacher in that moment: they love leadership.  But no matter how prepared I was with MY plan of action for the period, and no matter how great I was of a disciplinary figure back in America, I learned very quickly to be flexible and PATIENT. I  had to work around a lot of unpredictable situations and had to approach them without anger or stress.  I had to work with my HOD (head of department) on various rewards and consequences strategies.  I also had to build up a communication outlet with my parents so that my boys knew their parents supported me with making sure they got the best education their money was paying for (what's app messaging worked the best). On the days I felt it was all for nothing, I would have parents reaching​ out to me telling me to hang in there, stay firm, be patient, and just allow them to adapt to the idea of having a new teacher.  I even had many parents tell me how grateful and thankful they were to me with helping their children learn the proper mechanics and speaking of English.  Many OMG moments...MANY!

I ended the school year with both my girls and boys learning more about them and the Arabic culture while they learned more about me and the American culture.  They LOVED teaching me Arabic and were very proud when I could say a word that they taught me.  I overall of coursed enjoyed teaching them English and how to write; no matter if I had the highest of the high or the student who needed extra support, each walked away from my class learning something that they will carry with them to grade 6.   I always make it a point to tell my students that learning never stops no matter who you are, where you're from, or how old you get.  

As I look back on all of this, I realize that I experienced MANY challenges, however, I also experienced many hugs and much love from both my boys and girls.  I wasn't defeated.  I didn't quit or give up.  I made it through. I am thankful to God for choosing me as their teacher because I know I touched their lives just as much as they touched mine. 

Hag Al Leila: an Islamic celebration of Giving

My students were assessed on what they  learned about writing a friendly letter; some wrote a letter to me and here's a few. This truly warmed my heart!

Here are some examples of delicious spreads when our students decide to show love through food!

Since my birthday is during Ramadan, my students surprised me with gifts as a thank you celebration!  I had to control my tears I was so overcome with happiness: very thoughtful!

 Overall, my experience thus far with both my girls and boys has left me feeling rewarded.  

So, when people ask me "Erica, what are the student's like", I simply reply BE READY FOR ANYTHING!

"Fight or Flight??? Surviving the Struggle:Not Letting the MESS get the BEST of You"

In spite of everything that was done to me and my race, in spite of the adversity and the bitter moments, again we rise."

* Dr. Maya Angelou 

"I'm a survivor 

I'm not gon give up

I'm not gon stop 

I'm gon work harder 

I'm a survivor 

I'm gonna make it 

I will survive 

Keep on survivin' "

*Destiny's Child

It's been said that everything that glitter isn't necessarily gold; what we see from our own lenses may not always be the case, be it someone else's situation or our own.  When deciding to embark on this journey, I had many expectations and made many assumptions simply based off of what I read from Facebook, viewed from YouTube, and/or heard from others through word of mouth of personal experiences.  I didn't realize at the time that although all of that insight was great and informative, that I would still have to follow my own path of figuring out what was right for me.  The scary thought of having to face the unknown made it easy for me to have other perspectives to lean on; but, I, not anyone else, was and still am, the master of my fate...I AM the captain of my soul. 

When I decided that I wanted to teach overseas and travel the world three years ago, I had no idea the many obstacles I would face and the struggles I had to overcome to cross that finish line; or should I say fly over that water and immigrate into the other side of the world I only knew from television, music, and the internet.

I remember sitting with my colleagues in Houston, Texas; we were planning for the upcoming week and I announced to my team my decision to pursue this idea of teaching abroad.  I was excited and motivated just from the idea alone as I spoke so passionately about it.  Although my team (who were also my friends outside of school) was intrigued and happy for me, one friend in particular brought me down to reality a little bit when he started asking questions about how I would go about making everything work: what agencies had I researched, what programs had I come across, had I bothered with exploring the cultural differences, etc.  He really made me realize that it was more than just a thought, but it was about ACTION.  What was my plan with getting where I wanted to be? I had to figure out how I would turn my desire into my destiny. 

Fast forward to a month or two later, the little research that I conducted led me to an interview with China.  I was elated with enthusiasm when I received the email of interest.  The email had ways for me to prepare including tips for Skype interviews and questions they would ask.  This would be my first Skype interview EVER and I wanted to give my very best, so I prepared answers with the help of other teacher friends and practiced in the mirror my disposition.  I was required to complete a mock lesson as well, so I practiced with stuff animals and my 5 year old daughter, wanting to make sure that everything went smoothly.  And everything went smoothly.  In fact it was better than smooth; it was Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal"smooth!  I felt like I had just beasted out one of my best interviews to date.  The interviewer was very impressed, but also gave me suggestions of how I could do better for future references when interviewing for ESL (English as a Second Language)  positions.  I was confident with the idea of possibly heading to China to teach English.  However, that was not the case.  I waited for about a week when I realized that I didn't get the job.  I didn't get any word; heard nothing on the matter, but, I wasn't upset or pressed about the issue.  I just figured "hey, maybe they had a problem with me having a child and couldn't accommodate. Going with someone who is single with no ties would be a better fit for them."  This is what I told myself to stay sane.  I pursued this idea no further and decided it wasn't my time.

Fast forward to next year; new school (for reasons beyond my control), new adversities.  The particular challenges I faced at this school led me to put a little more fire in my pursuit of overseas teaching.  I was so unhappy and needed a change before my passion for teaching became a plummet right into another career field.  I posted a question in a black educators group that I am in on Facebook asking about the agencies that are used when looking for a teaching job overseas.  I got a lot of guidance on the matter which with diligence and faith, led me to my first teaching offer in the middle east.  I walked around the curves of life: from losing my brand new car due to a terrible city wide flood to having to move out of my apartment and in with a friend to save money. I thought I was invincible; that nothing could shake me! I thought I was FINALLY walking on a straight path of direct greatness.  The high I felt of knowing that I soon would be out of this big mess of a situation and heading towards a new direction of new beginnings was enough to carry  me through to getting that email with the infamous golden ticket.  However, THIS time, God had decided for me through my offer getting rescinded, that it wasn't time. 

You ever feel like when you take a step forward, the devil is there with his hook ready to snatch you back three steps?  Imagine being on the Apollo stage of life, about to give the greatest performance of your entire existence while the devil stands beside the outskirts of the stage skinnin and grinnin, with that hook in his hand, waiting for you to fail.  That was me.  I got some great life changing news and here the devil was trying to do everything is his power to make it NOT be so. I was able to end my contract gracefully and close that Texas chapter.  I was able to have one of the best summers ever in spite of going through a mild depression about losing my job before it even began.  I was even able to find a job teaching in Georgia when things just seemed to not work out with interviewing for overseas teaching positions no matter how hard I tried.  I was able to, at least for the time being, focus on all I had instead of all that I was missing.  But it wasn't enough.  I was going through the motions, trying to find the strength each day just to carry on and make it through. 

I felt so alone and out of place back home, wishing I was instead with all the teachers I had connected with via Facebook groups and chats who got their golden ticket and was living it up over in the UAE.  I was envious; I could be mistaken for the Incredible Hulk I was so green with jealousy, anger and frustration.  There was a period where I even unfollowed every single person I befriended and connected with who had any thing to do with the UAE; I simply couldn't handle seeing all of their exciting experiences of work and travel in my feed.  How soon I realized that they weren't the issue; it was me.  You see, instead of focusing on what I had at the moment, which was my daughter, family and friends, my life, health and strength,  I was focused on what I didn't have which was a job teaching in the UAE and why I didn't get pick.  I was even mad at one of my closest friends for finding a job teaching overseas in China; I remember the devil whispering in my ear "She doesn't even have a teaching degree or license and SHE found a job.  What's wrong with you?"  I felt so pathetic and worthless.  I was soooo angry with the people in my life and angry at the world and even worse.... angry with God.  Man, the devil had me right where he wanted me.  I was involving myself in situations I had no business in. I was at a low point; I felt so defeated.  BUT GOD!

I'm trying to recollect the pieces as to what helped me to turn it around.  I can't remember the exact details, but I do know that it did all turn around.  Once I was able to ask God for forgiveness, forgive myself, and enjoy life as it was, it all turned around.  I stopped putting the pressure on myself to make it happen or else, and allowed God to order my steps instead.  Once I gave all of my sorrows, worries, concerns, frustrations, anger, pettiness, and doubt over to HIM, my faith was strengthened as my shoulders became light.  I turned that negative energy into a powerful, positive, pursuit of purpose.  I allowed myself to be happy for others while praising HIM for my breakthrough, not in life, but in ME; "create in me a clean heart and renew in me a right and just spirit", Psalms 51:10 my favorite scripture of all time.  I needed to stop concerning myself with others and be more appreciative of MYSELF and what God was doing in MY life. I felt recharged; and that newly lit fire did lead me to finally crossing that elongated hurdle of getting overseas to teach, live, and travel, but little did I know, that the struggles weren't over.  It is when you are at your best, that the devil shows up with mess; the question is, how do you deal with it?    

So, I MADE IT! (*insert a hint of Drake's voice)...  My idea, with a renewed and determined faith and hard work put in emotionally and spiritually, turned into an actual reality.  However, after listening to a sermon this morning from Steve Furtick titled "Put Your Passion in its Place", I realize that I allowed my passion to be abandoned only because I was following IT, instead of allowing my passion to follow my purpose. 

You see, stepping off that plane, arriving to my to my accommodations, and walking into the school building to start a new chapter wasn't the hard part. It was everything else that came with it.  Being out of your comfort zone and everything you once knew is a true test of will when faced with doing something completely new for the first time.  You can use other people's experiences as an application to your own journey, but it's just that...an application.  YOU yourself ultimately have to make the decision to take on the job and accepting that job means taking along everything that comes with it.  So, do you you fight...or take flight?

I had come too far to take flight. I had endured too much to jump ship.  I had sacrificed so much to get here.  I had to withstand.  And this is what I told myself AFTER the fact.  You see  before this pep talk of turning a leaf, I found myself once again feeling defeated.  

I came here with a purpose and my passion was my driving force.  I was just so glad to be here experiencing what many only dreamed about.  But with each passing day, reality was sinking in.  I was looking at my current situation through an entirely different cultural telescope of perception; my reality was not the next expat's reality.  

Everything started out great, even through the overwhelming induction experiences of say, figuring out how to get from point A to point B via taxi (which I never had to worry about before because I always had a car be it hooptie or hot rod), getting internet connection (after sharing the aggravated neighbor's service until I could get my own), obtaining new phone and cell phone service (which I almost got cheated on), grocery shopping and cooking (which included walking a mile every week to the nearest store and figure out how to use a stove the size of a large moving box), figuring out what to leave the house in so that I didn't offend anyone (nothing above the knee, sleeveless, or super form fitting in Sharjah) and entire list of other things to figure out along the way, allllll while still having to get up and come to work to learn policies and procedures of a new school in a new country.  I mean, just because I work at an American school doesn't mean they abide by the American culture of life and education. No! This is not America.  I am a guest in THEIR country. As an expat, I am still on THEIR turf and  expected to respect and tolerate their way of thinking and life. And I was fine with it all.  Once things started to fall into place, I was completely ok.  I was meeting people, exploring the country and things to do a little bit at a time, and was even granted the opportunity of going on not one but TWO trips to TWO different countries after only being here for a month and a half. Talk about BLESSED!  But it was when I came back from Zanzibar, and got sick, that things started to feel as if they were going down hill.

Here I was, scrolling through Facebook yet again  feeling like all the expats here were indulging in the best life ever except me: bottle poppin, yacht loungin, beach bummin, belly fillin and all you can drink pourin, trip takin, party and hotel hoppin elaborate sort of lives, and  me?  Oh me, I was on bouncing from my sofa to my bed trying to get up enough energy just leave all of my emotions on the back burner and make it through work; I still was hired to give the best education to my kiddos ever, and that's what I did.  But I did it because I had to and not because I wanted to.  I had misplaced my passion. I had lost my fire, my drive.  My purpose seemed to be non existent.  I felt soooo alone; like a fish out of water flopping around trying to make it back into the lake; barely surviving through the struggle of it all.   

I was depressed...legit depressed.  I was very unhappy.  I isolated myself.  I went to work, walked two minutes back to my flat, and crawled under my covers everyday, closing my eyes wishing I was back home in Georgia; just wishing I could snap my fingers or click my heels three times and open my eyes to the sight of my daughter running up to me and giving me one of those laughs and stories about her day that immediately erases away all the turmoil one may feel in a bad and worrisome moment.  But that didn't happen. I woke up everyday and went to bed every night with nothing but my Firestick and a wet pillow to keep me company.  I was also experiencing migraines that just wouldn't seem to go away.  I was eating take out everyday because I lacked the energy to barely make a sandwich, let alone cook.  I was barely getting sleep and when I did fall asleep, it wasn't restful.  I was crying myself to sleep many nights wondering if I was going to make it through to the end of the school year.  I was wondering if I was ever going to make it back to my daughter.  I was wondering if I was ever going to hug and kiss on my niece and nephews.  I was wondering if my friends had completely forgotten all about me as I noticed them moving on with their lives.  I was missing birthdays, holidays, and celebrations. I was missing moments that may seem so insignificant to some, but felt so huge to me. I. was. completely. homesick.  Then one afternoon, the switch in my brain went up, and the light in limbs and soul came on.  I decided to take back my life.  I decided to change things around so that the misery I felt wouldn't be the cause of me running back to Atlanta hopeless with my tail between my legs.  It was time to stop dwelling in pity...it was time to stop sabotaging all the progress I had made.   In the words of Tye Tribbett "I want it alllll BACK!"is what I told myself.

The problem with being strong sometimes is that people think you don't need them; that you can work through it all on your own, but I was begging to be heard...it just wasn't vocalized. I felt the pressure of everyone being so proud of me and my accomplishments thus far with my career, overseas travel, and life in general, so much so that I kept all of my emotions bottled up inside.  But just like a Coke bottle shook and ready to burst once the top is removed, I was ready to explode at any given moment and I did just that.  

I remember just having a regular catching up sort of conversation with my sister one day, when all of a sudden my words turned into mumbling sobs of verbiage.  She had no idea where it came from, but provided me with a listening ear, which is what I needed to sort out everything I was feeling. It was through conversations with my best friend and my sister that encouraged me to wake up and smell the roses; that everything would be fine.  It wasn't that I was ungrateful, unappreciative, or even bratty about things, I seriously was just having a difficult time adjusting to my new life here.  Nothing that at I did felt right.  The more days I got through, the more days I felt incomplete.  But I realized that if I wanted something I'd never had, I had to do something I've never done; I had to be willing to go through what it took to get to the big IT... I decided to push through to my promise. 

I with that said, instead of waiting another year to bring my daughter out here with me, I decided that when I go back home to visit for the summer, that I would do everything it takes to have her on that return flight back to the UAE with me because this all means nothing without my baby here with me to share it with. Plus, what is it all for if I'm not giving back? 

 I had found my ultimate purpose.  It dawned on me that I was selfish; I had made this all about me instead of all about HIM and all about my daughter. I'm suppose to be sharing this experience with my baby girl and using my story to not only encourage others, but be a living testament to the power of the most high. I prayed before starting this blog and before writing my first sentence, that God would speak through me and that I would allow HIM to use me as a connecting factor of hope and love to all those willing to read it.  That people would be inspired by my story.  However, I instead became a blocker of my own blessing; a sabotager of my own progress.  But no more of that. 

 I'm not claiming that sort of negativity any more.  The devil can't have my joy, peace, or favor; he can't and will not have my life.  Nothing in life comes easy, but with the right spirit and faith, it's manageable.   Steve Furtick also preaches that "Your Struggle is a Sign";  if the devil was going to destroy me, he would have, but the fact that I struggle is a sign that I will make it. 

So I leave you with this: Don't be defeated by your struggles; square up, then rise up.  It's all about HOW you wait WHILE you wait. It is all about survival.  It all about not letting the mess get the best of you.